Polish town bans ice cream for papal visit

If you spend your time around ice cream and cakes you probably know how dangerous these materials can be. A polish city is now doing the responsible thing: ban these outright irresponsible substances for a visit by Pope Benedict XVI.

“Cakes and ice cream can easily go off in summer temperatures and can pose a danger to health,” Bozena Okreglicka, a spokeswoman for local health inspectors told AFP. “That’s why we’re banning takeaway sales on the day many pilgrims will be arriving in Wadowice.” BBC

And if you have a few moments today, put in a moment of silence to remember Pope Cannelloni III, the first of many popes to be taken far too early by seemingly delicious treats that tragically were handled by untrained novices and “went off” during one of his visits abroad.

Onion: Bush Puts National Guard In Charge Of Public Relations

WASHINGTON, DC—Characterizing the move as a “dramatic new change in the way this administration relates to the public,” President Bush ordered the immediate deployment of 6,000 National Guard troops to White House media and public-relations posts throughout the country.

“My fellow Americans, we are at war. I have mobilized our brave troops to a position where they can advance my policy objectives to the press and the American people directly,” Bush said during a brief press conference, supervised by the newly created Virginia 82nd Airborne Community Outreach Multimedia Battalion.

Critics say Bush is putting additional strain on Guard members already stretched thin from their service as replacement legislators in the House and Senate. The Onion

Bob Dylan turns 65

Happy Birthday, Bob!

“There must be some way out of here,” said the joker to the thief,
“There’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth.”

“No reason to get excited,” the thief, he kindly spoke,
“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.”

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.

Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.

Bob Dylan, All Along the Watchtower

Sing with Kim!

North Korea now has a Karaoke-style Web site glorifying leader Kim Jong Il. No joke, the video on their site here is for real.

So how long till we can expect a satire of this involving Bush? Personally I’d find one about Germany’s Chancellor Merkel even funnier.

(The management would hereby like to extent its personal thanks to Angela Merkel. We had some MySQL and PHP woes on the site the other day, but she fixed it.)

Bush on why his poll numbers are one point below Nixon’s before he resigned

Bush is till not getting it. This from a recent interview he gave NBC’s Hardball:

MSNBC: Let me ask you about your leadership. In the most recent survey, your disapproval rating is now one point lower than Richard Nixon’s before he resigned the presidency. [BUSH laughs] You’re laughing…

BUSH: I’m not laughing.

MSNBC: Why do you think that is?

BUSH: Because we’re at war. And war unsettles people. Listen, we’ve got a great economy. We’ve added 5.2 million jobs in the last two-and-a-half years, but people are unsettled. They don’t look at the economy and say, ‘life is good.’ They know we’re at war. And I’m not surprised that people are unsettled because of war. The enemy’s got a powerful tool — that is to get on your TV screen by killing innocent people. And my job is to continue to remind the people it’s worth it. We’re not going to retreat hastily. We’re not going to pull out of there before the job’s done and we’ve got a plan for victory.

MSNBC: They’re not just unsettled, sir. They disapprove of the job you’re doing.

BUSH: That’s unsettled.

MSNBC That’s how you see it?

BUSH: Yeah, I do. I see it as the war has… the war is… the war is difficult. And I understand that. I understand why people wonder whether we can win the war or not. But there’s a big difference between some of us who believe we’re doing the right thing and moving forward and a group of people who want to pull out before the jobs is done.

MSNBC’s Hardball via Rawstory.com

The old “if this doesn’t make sense to you, you’re clearly an idiot and I can’t help you”-defense.

The Decider!

The Daily Show at its best:

A ‘No Fear’ policy

Let’s look at tonight’s address but replace “immigration” with “X”:

America needs to conduct this debate on X in a reasoned and respectful tone. Feelings run deep on this issue, and as we work it out, all of us need to keep some things in mind. We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone’s fears, or exploiting the issue of X for political gain. We must always remember that real lives will be affected by our debates and decisions, and that every human being has dignity and value no matter what their citizenship papers say. White House transcript

This statement from Bush is one of the many reasons why I would summarize this speech thusly: unenforceable politicizing bullshit.

What makes this charade almost funny is that Republicans seem to be more troubled than Democrats by what Bush had to say. The consensus on Fox News’s O’Reilly Factor (Where do I apply to get those 20 min of my life back?) was that there is no consensus. The Democratic response: we are willing to work with you.

As if this situation could not be getting any weirder…

Al Gore on SNL

I case you missed it: Saturday Night Live actually did a funny skit this weekend, featuring Al Gore in the role of “U.S. President.” Now that’s just crazy talk…

Oh how I long for the Lockbox™.

The Three Year Lie

Three years ago on an aircraft carrier 39 miles off the coast of California President Bush declared “mission accomplished” on Iraq.

What a load of BS.

(The edit I wrote about it back then is still on the NY Times web site here. I later won an award for it. So I guess something good came out of it. Umm… so not worth it.)